Watching my youngest walk into school for her first full-week back in nearly a year brought a flood of familiar emotions. This mix of nervous anxiety, joyful yet exhausting anticipation and confusing claustrophobia was something I last felt after my twenty-two-month deployment in Iraq when I was

                                                                                                   reintegrating into society.

After nearly a year of living under a global pandemic, everyone is feeling a bit frayed around the edges. We haven’t been able to socialize with friends, we’ve remained apart from extended family, we’ve missed so many holidays and birthdays and celebrations. The yearning to see familiar faces, to surround ourselves with loved ones, and to hug (oh, I miss hugging so much) is becoming almost unbearable, but we also feel hopeful more and more as parts of our lives slowly begin returning to normal.

The dictionary defines reintegration as the action or process of integrating someone back into society. The term is often used in reference to a prisoner being released or a soldier returning from war. As strange as it may sound, the reintegration of a soldier into society shares many similarities with the reintegration each of us will undergo in the coming months as our children return to school, restaurants and group activities open up, and we begin returning to the office.

Returning from war is a terribly confusing process. Veterans are initially elated to be surrounded by their friends and family and the comforts of home. After many months of missing out, the people and things that you love and that bring you joy are back within your reach. Why, then, doesn’t it always feel great? Why does it sometimes feel overwhelming, chaotic and even somehow wrong?

After returning from Iraq, I was so excited to see everyone. I had missed out on so much, and I just wanted to be a sponge and soak everything up. Loved ones hosted parties for me, I ate at all my favorite restaurants and I even attended my high school reunion within weeks of my return. There was so much love and joy coming my way, and I kept telling myself how great it all was.

Inside, however, I felt completely overwhelmed. My chest was a tight knot, my breathing too quick and I sweated for no apparent reason. I wasn’t used to all the interactions, questions and stimulus. At the time, I felt crazy, like something was wrong with me. What if I could no longer find joy in the social interactions that had always been so important to me? It felt so overwhelmed and out of control that I just wanted to run away, to close myself off from others and to cry.

As I think of our kiddos returning to in-person school, I realize that they are on the front lines of a massive societal reintegration. They will be among the first to integrate back into the pre-covid world with its social gatherings, full classrooms and busy schedules. While kids are resilient and we have been impressed with their strength and bravery throughout the pandemic, we need to make sure that we carefully support them during this transition, just like we would for a soldier returning from war.

As I look into the future, I think about how the process of post-covid reintegration could go well and how it could go poorly. But at my core, I am hopeful. I know that we can show up for each other, that we can give each other the space and time to ease into this change, and that we can give ourselves the grace and patience to learn what and when things feel comfortable and healthy.

A few things I have found that helped:

• Talk about it: Awareness and sharing is healthy and healing. Share this post so others know.
• Take it slowly: Give yourself time and space. Don’t overschedule just because you can. Leaders should create safe spaces for their teams to process and ease into large gatherings.
• Have patience: With your kiddos as they may act out for a few weeks (it’s a lot for them), with yourself, and with each other.
• Sleep, hydrate, breathe: Always helpful, but especially now. Watch out for these “hidden drainers” and prioritize wellness for yourself and your loved ones.
• Find a self-care ritual: Journal, exercise, meditate or whatever helps you process your feelings in a healthy way. Take the time to see this cycle through to the end and come out better for it.

Let me remind you, as I remind myself every day: you are not crazy. The wild thoughts and feelings coursing through you don’t mean you’re broken, they are simply a response to how things have changed around you. Appreciate this next phase for all the goodness it brings, and remember we are all human.

I wish you well.